It’s Baby Loss Awareness Week this week, and day 15 of #Blogtober is paying tribute. Today’s prompt is, “Ones who couldn’t stay”. The idea behind baby loss awareness week is to break the taboo and get people talking about baby loss. Whether that be a child lost through miscarriage, stillbirth or SIDS – we need to stop sweeping the issue under the carpet.

Baby Loss Awareness Week

Did you know that 1 in 4 pregnancies won’t end with a parent taking home their baby? That’s a shocking figure! I bet that everybody reading this post knows someone who has lost a baby. I myself lost one back in 2010. My best friend has lost two babies, another close friend has lost three babies. That’s 6 angel babies between 3 women! (And between 3 men too, of course)!

Men Grieve Too

One thing I want to say is that men grieve too. We had told people about our pregnancy, and when we lost the baby, my friends rallied round. I had hugs, phone calls, text messages etc, while hubby got nothing in the way of support.

Baby loss is definitely something which affects men too. I know my own hubby said he felt completely helpless watching me in agony, losing our child. He said he felt unable to do anything. Please remember the dads too when discussing baby loss awareness week.

This video helps explain the idea behind baby loss awareness week better than I can…

Global Wave Of Light

On 15th October at 7pm, families across the world will be remembering all of the babies that have died too soon. Light a candle or join virtually, by posting a photo of your candle on social media, along with the #WaveOfLight hashtag. Let’s remember all of the angel babies, and spare a thought for the parents with a void in their hearts.

Why not check out my other Blogtober blog posts here. You can also find blog posts from other bloggers via the Big Family Chaos linky, by clicking the badge below.

I can’t believe we are two weeks into Blogtober already! Today’s prompt was, “Never Doing That Again”. I have decided to share my reasons for deciding to have no more babies.

No More Babies

I’m almost 35 now, and was sterilised at 31. Today I am going to share the reasons why we took the somewhat extreme option of sterilisation.

Why Not Contraception?

I had my son when I was 27, and my daughter when I was 28. I was on the injection pill before then. However, during my first pregnancy, they discovered I have a clotting disorder, and am prone to blood clots. This means it’s a bad idea to take anything which increases the chances of clots. The Depo injection, implant and most pills were out of the question.

I was given the coil after my daughter was born, and had a terrible time with it. My periods were really heavy, and I was in agony for weeks on end. As well as that, it triggered horrific depression. I felt so inadequate when I was essentially useless for a week at a time. My irregular cycle didn’t help, either. I was constantly worried I would end up pregnant again, which only made matters worse.

When Did I Decide To Get Sterilised?

I initially asked to be sterilised when I was 29, but my GP said I had to be 30 before they were allowed to refer me. Between then and my turning 30, my son was diagnosed with, “Low functioning Autism”. This meant I was even more convinced there would be no more babies from me.

Life was so stressful and challenging, it seemed irresponsible to even consider adding more children. The financial impact was also a massive one. I was unable to return to work as I had planned to due to our son’s special needs, so we couldn’t afford a 3rd baby, even if we did want one. My husband is terrified of hospitals, so I knew it was going to be all on me. There was no way he’d get the snip instead.

What Happened Next?

At 30, I basically cried to my GP and said there was no way I could mentally handle another child or pregnancy, so I was 100% sure there would be no more babies for me. I was referred to the Gynae team at the local hospital, who I saw for a consultation a couple of weeks later. As soon as I explained my reasoning, the doctor said she could see I had put a lot of thought into it. She said that given the circumstances, she was happy to go ahead with the surgery. (The Doctor said they usually refer women under 35 for counselling beforehand).

Six weeks later, I went into hospital as a day patient. The surgery was done via two small incisions – one in my belly button and an inch long incision along my bikini line. I was sore for about 4 days afterwards, but still able to look after the kids. After a week, I was back to normal, and the relief of not having to worry about pregnancy has been amazing.

So there you have it… my reasons for no more babies. I do feel guilty in some ways that some women are struggling to conceive, while I am doing the exact opposite. It was 100% the right decision for our family and me, though.

Why not check out my other Blogtober blog posts here. You can also find blog posts from other bloggers via the Big Family Chaos linky, by clicking the badge below.

It’s day 13 of #Blogtober, and today’s prompt is ” Movies I have watched a thousand times”. First things first… I never EVER say Movies. I say Films. Movies seems like such an Americanism. I’m sharing my favourite films today – here goes!

My favourite films:

Grease 2

I love Grease as much as the next person, but Grease 2 was always my favourite. The motorbikes always seemed so cool to me plus the Talent Show was fab! I must have seen it 500 times, and still know it word for word now!

Come on – Stephanie Zinone is so much cooler than Sandy was! I love that she was breaking all the stereotypes even back then…. a girl working in her Dad’s garage is pretty cool in my book! If you haven’t seen Grease 2, definitely go give it a whirl – you’ll realise why it’s one of my favourite films!

Annie (The original)

I know every single word of Annie – it’s one of the films I watched over and over and over again as a kid. Literally 3 times a day some days. My daughter and I regularly belt out the soundtrack in the car. I am basically Miss Hannigan now. Every mum of girls will surely relate a little to this….

I only have one daughter and I can relate. My mum had four daughters – no wonder she liked a good drink haha!

Bugsy Malone

When I was a teenager, I was in a performing arts group. We spent well over a year planning and rehearsing a production of Bugsy Malone, only for it to be cancelled before we performed! While I was gutted we didn’t get to perform, I found a huge love of the show and all of the songs in it. I regularly inflict this album on the kids in the car.

Fat Sam’s Grand Slam and Tomorrow are my personal favourite songs from the film. Have you seen it?

Rocky I-V

The first time I remember watching the first Rocky film with my Dad, and I was about 8. I loved it. I found it so inspiring, watching someone come from nothing and fight so hard for his dreams. In all seriousness, I have seen them all at least 20 times each, but I and IV are by far my favourite films from the series.

I could watch them all again now – It’s been a good 10 years since I have seen them. Let’s not forget the song too – come on…. We’ve all blasted it while cleaning… Haven’t we??

Armageddon

I remember watching this film for the first time in my teens and crying like my own Dad had died. I had never before, and have never since got so emotional about a film. Also… BEN AFFLECK! (Need I say more)? I also developed a bit of Liv Tyler envy, it has to be said. She did redeem herself once she popped up on Lord of the Rings though – loved her in that too!

I am a big fan of films with amazing soundtracks (As you’ve probably guessed). Armageddon has one of those too! I became a bit of an Aerosmith fangirl after this film was released. If I had to choose one winner, this would be top of the list of my favourite films.

Don’t even get me started on Disney. I’d be here all day if I listed all the films I love, so I will stop here. What’s your favourite film? Does it have a brilliant soundtrack too?

Why not check out my other Blogtober blog posts here. You can also find blog posts from other bloggers via the Big Family Chaos linky, by clicking the badge below.

I can’t believe it’s already day 12 of Blogtober – this month is going by so quickly! Today’s prompt is: “Loving these right now”. With that in mind, I am going to talk about some of the blogs I love to read. Hopefully you’ll get a bit of inspiration for other blogs you may want to check out….

Blogs I Love

Fork Mojo

In the interests of full disclosure: I should probably mention that this is my husband’s blog. He’s been sharing his adventures down at his allotment. If you’re interested in horticulture, growing your own fruit and veg, recipes, or ideas to get kids involved in the garden… Check forkmojo.com out! I’m not just including him because he’s my husband – it really is a good read.

Clearly Bex

Bex has been blogging since 2013. She was pretty much bullied into it by yours truly, and her blog went from strength to strength. Bex then took 2 years off, but she’s back now and blogging like crazy again! If you love family, travel and lifestyle type posts, definitely have a gander at ClearlyBex.co.uk . You’ll soon see why she’s named as one of the blogs I love!

Life in a breakdown

Sarah over at life in a breakdown has been blogging for a long long time. I discovered her blog a year or so ago, and haven’t stopped reading it since. There’s regular mental health posts, as well as lifestyle, home, pets, travel and plenty more besides. I love dipping in and out of her blog and regularly find myself reading it at 2am – proof she really is one of the blogs I love! Definitely check out lifeinabreakdown.com .

Farmer’s Wife and Mummy

I have known the lovely Emma for a few years now. We’ve met at various blogging events and met up for a natter in between. She’s absolutely lovely, and her blog shares her adventures as a Farmer’s wife and mum. Think recipes, tales of farm life, information on farming news etc. If you (like me) long for a house in the country, definitely give farmerswifeandmummy.com a read! She shares life as a farmer’s wife as it really is – not like it’s straight from Country Life magazine! I find it so informative and great fun as well.

HollyBobbs

Lisa is one of the first bloggers I met up with in real life. WeOur youngest children were born within a month of each other, so we were both writing about the same milestones at the same time. Nowadays, Hollybobbs has a lot more lifestyle, travel, vlog and health content. It’s definitely not “just” a parenting blog any more. Lisa shares her Chronic Fatigue Journey on her blog, which I find super informative. I think she’s so brave sharing her life as she does – a real inspiration. Definitely give hollybobbs.co.uk a read if you like real life posts, rather than glossy, airbrushed, “It’s a wonderful life,” style content.

So there you have it – 5 blogs I love to read! I have, of course discovered plenty of other fab blogs by joining in with Blogtober.

Why not check out my other Blogtober blog posts here. You can also find blog posts from other bloggers via the Big Family Chaos linky, by clicking the badge below.

It’s day 11 of Blogtober, and today we are celebrating #internationalDayOfTheGirl. Today’s prompt is: Kickass Girls You Adore.

#internationalDayOfTheGirl

There are so many girls (and women) I love, that I found it really hard to choose one. I’m going to talk about the three ladies who helped me become me. Without even knowing it. So… Who are they?

My 2nd oldest sister.

When I was a teen, she always made time for me. Whether it was my friends and I sleeping at her flat, or her listening to me cry when things were tough at home. She always always had my back. I had a key to her flat and knew there was always a couch there with my name on.

I grew up modelling myself on her, and I know I drove her crazy when she was a young teenager, but she always listened. She still does now to be fair. I just wish she could talk to me like I talk to her.

If ever there was an award for the most amazing sister, one of us would win it haha! 😉 It wouldn’t be #internationalDayOfTheGirl without giving her a shout out.

Alanis:

Alanis Morissette taught me that it’s ok to break the mould. I realised at about 12 that I was never going to be one of the populars, but that was ok. I had a great group of friends and we had some fab times.

Alanis helped me process a lot of the stuff that was happening in my life while I was growing up, and I genuinely believe that her lyrics stopped me going completely off the rails when things were really tough.

Avril:

As a teenager, I always felt really odd because I hated girly things. That was until Avril Lavigne arrived on the scene anyway. I was 18 by the time her music made it over to the UK, but she still helped me to accept that it was ok to like black and hate pink.

I remember listening to “so complicated” and basically nodding in agreement. She definitely made me embrace myself and accept that it’s ok to hate the idea of dressing like every other girl out there. I basically lived in massively baggy jeans and vest tops from 2002 to 2004 and I blame her entirely.

So there you have it. Three kick ass women who have inspired me at one point or another. Who’s made your list of kick ass girls this #internationalDayOfTheGirl?

Why not check out my other Blogtober blog posts here. You can also find blog posts from other bloggers via the Big Family Chaos linky, by clicking the badge below.

It’s day 10 of #blogtober, and today we are shouting out #WorldMentalHealthDay. Today’s prompt is “Just Be Yourself”. I’m going to talk about social media and how it triggered my depression.

My Take:

I have been wondering what to share today, and have written this post several times already. First, I was going to write a letter to my school bully who made me hate myself for years. Then I was going to write about my own mental health journey. In the end, I have decided that I am going to focus on how I stop social media sending me on a spiral of depression.

Social Media:

Back in 2007 when I first joined Facebook, it was full of friends sharing photos from drunken nights out, laughing about our adventures and planning the next ones. By 2010, it was beginning to shift and photos were less snapshot and more pouty.

Instagram took this to the next level. Suddenly, people were sharing this “perfect” picture of their lives, and glossing over the metaphorical cracks.

Twitter was my sanity saviour during my pregnancies. I found so many like minded parents and parents to be on there, that I quickly morphed from a casual social media user, to a full on addict. It was all good though – we were all being honest. Talking about the bad nappies, morning sickness and the nightmare of breast feeding.

By 2013, I was beginning to think that people were either seriously OCD about cleaning and presentation, or they weren’t showing the reality of their lives. The images with perfect backdrops, freshly laid tables and immaculate decor made me feel inferior. Their homes without hand prints on the walls, without crumbs on the table and without a hair out of place on their head made me feel like I was failing as a wife and a mum. The photos of happy children, dressed perfectly, without a speck of weetabix on their faces or a stain on their outfits made me feel like a bad mum.

Depression:

Around the same time, we realised our son wasn’t hitting milestones and he was referred for an Autism assessment. This made me feel even more useless. My thoughts became more and more negative and my mood spiralled. I realised I was in trouble, when I started thinking everyone would be better off without me. The next day, I went to the doctors and cried all over the GP. I was quickly referred for counselling and given antidepressants.

The next 3 weeks were the worst of my life. I felt lower than ever and even getting out of bed was hard. I continued blogging and I continued using social media, but I began to unfollow or hide posts from the glossy social media accounts, and followed more real life accounts instead. The people who were discussing their depression, their kids’ tantrums and the fact their laundry pile was bigger than their 6 year old. THESE were my people. My depression is under control now. I’m still on antidepressants, but life is ok.

Final Thoughts:

Social Media is not real life. People can put on whatever kind of show they want. Some people (like me – above), go for the real life angle. Others prefer to use every filter available to paint a perfect picture. I cant imagine how much pressure they are under though. I can’t imagine not being able to share the sleep deprived photo of my son when he said “love you” for the first time, because the bed was a mess, or the lighting wasn’t just so. Or (like here) the look of total bemusement on my face when my 30kg dog decided she needed to be carried. YES, I look a mess, but so what! This is me! Like me or lump me!

My advice: Be yourself! Don’t present a false image – you’re human like the rest of us! If you’re feeling down because your life isn’t as perfect as the accounts you follow on social media, seek out some new online friends! I share the good, the bad and the in between – a true account of my life! Feel free to follow me on Instagram or Facebook if you need more real life on your timeline!

Why not check out my other Blogtober blog posts here. You can also find blog posts from other bloggers via the Big Family Chaos linky, by clicking the badge below.

Today, I’m inviting you to visit My Manchester via a poem I wrote in 2018. Watch this video to hear me read it, or scroll down for the text version.

My Manchester

I’m a Manchester girl, born and bred
Half this city’s Blue, the other half’s Red
Uni’s galore, to expand your mind
Student bars all over – the best you can find

Humour, compassion, banter and kindness
Our people are ace – our bands, they are timeless
Oasis, Stone Roses, New Order, The Smiths
Elbow, M people, not Pulp – that’s a myth

When you go to the chippy, don’t ask for a roll
A barm or muffin, should be your goal
Don’t forget gravy and mushy peas
Salt n vinegar too – you’d better say please

We travel in style on our own Metro trams
They’re the best way we know, to avoid traffic jams
The Northern Quarter, or Deansgate Locks
Wherever you go, Opportunity knocks

We Do Things Differently Here…

Head into town at the weekend to find
Places all over to dance, and unwind
The Printworks in Winter so you can keep dry
Or head to Canal Street when the sun’s in the sky

Our Cathedral is stunning, our History runs deep
Look back a few centuries and you will weep
Canals and railways started from here
Plus the suffragette leader – Pankhurst, to be clear

Our people talk funny, our accents are broad
Some sound straight from Corrie, others like a Lord
Our people are selfless, yet our words can be coarse
Innit, or Nah Man, just some we endorse

Our kid and Mam, we frequently use
The lingo is ours, and I hope you enthuse
With strength, resolve and a huge stubborn streak
We are worker bees, with a hive to upkeep

Wherever you’re from, North, South, East or West
I’m sure that you know, our city is blessed
Our city’s diverse, our culture unique
Still don’t believe me? Come, stay for a week

Written by Tina Bailey. 2018.

Have you visited Manchester before? If not… definitely add it to your list!

It’s day 8 of Blogtober. It is #LibrariesWeek, therefore today’s prompt is “hearing them read...” Rather than talking about reading,  specifically; I’m taking today as an opportunity to discuss the other things our local library offers. We live in Salford, and our local library is in Swinton. As well as the books you’d expect to find, Swinton library offers a huge amount of other things. These include:

COMPUTERS:

Our local library offers loads of FREE computer based services. These include: IT Courses, computer use, internet access, access to ancestry.com, access to Britannica online (a massive encyclopaedia program – I remember spending hours flicking through the hardback equivalent of these many years ago). 

As a Family tree enthusiast, the free access to Ancestry has certainly been useful for me. You can also benefit from printing and photocopying at a reduced rate, which makes it more cost effective than subscribing myself at home. 

BOOKS: 

As well as being able to borrow a huge range of books, there is also a good range of audio books and large print books available from Swinton library. 

Once you’re a member, you can download free magazines from the library website, and even borrow ebooks as well – another great reason to become a member! 

Our library has a monthly book club, which gives members a chance to read books they wouldn’t ordinarily read. It’s also a great way to meet fellow book lovers. The book club is free, and ran by a member of the library’s team. 

BOOKS ON PRESCRIPTION:

I kid you not! I was shocked to discover that GP’s in our area can prescribe you self help books to help you learn manage certain conditions! This seems a little dismissive to me – how would you feel if your GP prescribed you a book on depression, for example? Read more about it here.

SPECIAL EVENTS:

Finally, our local library hosts semi regular author events and productions too. I’m really excited about, “The Great Gatsby Investigation: A Parody Tribute Murder Mystery”. This is what their website has to say about the event: 

“A little party never killed anybody. Or did it? It’s the swinging twenties and The Gatsby Manor is the perfect place for some for a night of jubilations and celebrations.

Things take a turn for the worse when a guest ends up dead on their birthday. Who were they blackmailing and which cocktail spelt the end for this party goer?

Question the suspects, examine the evidence and uncover the truth in this classy criminal caper. 

Why not get in the party mood with friends for a Christmas comedy night out and dress up in fabulous 1920’s style!

Doors open/Bar open from 6.30pm.”

FOR CHILDREN:

There are baby and toddler groups at Swinton library, as well as a dedicated children’s area, complete with comfy chairs and plenty of books for kids of all ages.

There’s regular craft activities and clubs on offer for children during the school holidays as well.

Check out your local library!

I’d definitely recommend checking out your local library’s website to see what events they offer. While they may not be the same, chances are your local library probably offers some similar services. Above all else: remember; if we don’t use them, we’ll lose them! 

Why not check out my other Blogtober blog posts here. You can also find blog posts from other bloggers via the Big Family Chaos linky, by clicking the badge below.

Today is day 7 of Blogtober, and the theme is Gross Motor Skills in honour of Dyspraxia Awareness Week. Honestly, I don’t really know enough about Dyspraxia to write a blog post on it, so instead, I have chose my own “G” Theme…. Growing out my grey hair!

I blogged a couple of weeks ago about why I am transitioning to grey hair, and I finally had my hair highlighted a few days ago, so decided to share the results today!

Before growing out my grey hair:

When I got to the hairdressers, I snapped this quick before photo of my roots….

I don’t have enough time (or motivation) to keep on top of my Rapunzel style hair growth. My roots come through so fast, I need to colour them every 3 weeks to keep on top of them. It’s just too much now my roots are so obviously grey. I don’t have enough money to pay £90 a month to have regular highlights. This means my options were: Go grey or home dye.

During:

My stylist decided to cut my hair before putting on the colour as I was having a good few inches off. He washed my hair, cut it then blew it, before getting to work on the foils. This took literally 2 hours and he had to do my hair in 2 stages as the foils would have been on too long otherwise…

I had hoped the semi permanent dye would lift enough for me to go for a kind of light steel grey toner on top of the bleach, but unfortunately it didn’t. I was warned this would probably be the case, though so it wasn’t a huge shock.

After:

I think we can all agree my roots look much better now than when I last blogged about growing out my grey hair. You can still see my grey roots, but they aren’t as harsh as they were against the dark dye. The toner will fade over time, and I can either put a new toner on, or opt for more highlights. This would mean I can go for a toner more silver like my grey hair.

I am going to just see how it looks once this Ash toner fades. I’ll probably use some silver shampoo to try to reduce the yellow tones of the highlights. Maybe I’ll pop on a darker silver until my grey grows down the length enough to stop using the toner to blend it all together.

What do you think? I’m 35 next month – is that too young to transition to grey? Would you growing out your grey hair?

Why not check out my other Blogtober blog posts here. You can also find blog posts from other bloggers via the Big Family Chaos linky, by clicking the badge below.

Today is National Badger Day, and the prompt for day 6 of Blogtober is Forest Animals. With that in mind, I’ve decided to put together a list of 10 interesting badger facts…. how many did you know?

Badger Facts:

1). A male Badger is called a Boar and a female badger is a Sow – the same as pigs!

2). Each Badger will eat hundreds of earthworms every night. They also eat seasonal fruit, insects and plant bulbs.

3). Badgers can (and do) eat hedgehogs – when other food is scarce! This is because they are the only animal which can get past hedgehog spines, thanks to their amazing claws.

4). Each Sett (badger home) usually houses around 4-8 badgers (plus some young). Each one consists of several rooms, tunnels and entrances. The group sharing one sett is called a Clan.

5). Badgers are very clean animals and never poo in their Sett. Consequently, they dig a pit nearby and do their business there!

6). Adult Badgers can be up to 1 metre long!

7). Badgers can live for up to 14 years but the average lifespan is 8 years.

8). It has been illegal to harm badgers in the UK since 1992.

9). Dachshunds were bred to chase badgers out of their setts so they could be killed – (and eaten). Badger stew is delicious, apparently.

10). Badgers don’t hibernate, but they are much less active during winter, and spend most of their time underground.

11). A female badger only has cubs once a year (in February or March usually). Each litter is made up of 1-5 cubs. They remain in the sett until they are around 12 weeks old.

Have you learnt anything new from those facts?

Why not check out my other Blogtober blog posts here. You can also find blog posts from other bloggers via the Big Family Chaos linky, by clicking the badge below.